New Year's Eve

Yesterday I felt like a glass of champagne. My husband informed me that we didn't have any. It seems that when we do, it doesn't stick around for very long. Since we've been a little lost in the space and time continuum lately, I simply went for a gin and tonic. You see, for the past 4-5 days, I've lost track now, we have been leaving the apartment only for sustenance and watching almost 2 full seasons of the The West Wing, about 5 episodes at a time. To say my brain is mush is an overwhelming simplification. This is what happens when neither of us wants to be the responsible one.

Today it finally occurred to me why I was craving champagne. I won't deny that it could've simply been because it was after noon. I think a more flattering reason is that during grad school Paul and I threw some awesome Christmas/New Year's parties in which about a case of Champagne was always purchased and I cooked up some classy hors d'oeuvres. I remember that I was 23 and felt nervous about throwing my first "sophisticated" cocktail party. I served mini-quiches, stuffed mushrooms and I had an assortment of imported cheeses, for christ's sake! All of our best friends came and my sophisticated party ended with dancing to Britney Spears blaring on the stereo and some friends playing "chubby bunny." Did I have the time of my life? Yes. Did I spend too much time making those fucking quiches? Yes. Did I like myself a little more that night when I saw my friends enjoying my food? Yes.

This time of year is all about reflection and/or just getting blitzed, so it is either really depressing or really fun. As for reflection, living in France for the past 2 years has been amazing. I feel grateful to be here and I feel like I'm a better person than I was 2 years ago. I finally like who the hell I am, but a small part of me wants to be back in that kitchen, cramming that sticky pastry dough back into those tiny muffin tins, frantically cleaning the apartment and feeling nervous about the night to come. I miss my friends. I'm going to think about them as my much loved husband hands me that glass of champagne.